Can I be honest? I have always been REALLY bad at setting boundaries when it comes to work/life balance. I have learned the importance of boundaries but I haven't always been good about setting them.
About two and a half years ago I hit a low point. My team and I were working around the clock on a huge project for our clients. We were about two weeks away from the deadline and there was still an insane amount of work to do and not enough bodies to help get everything done. We were working constantly to keep up with the decisions and deliverables. As crunch time approached, Labor Day weekend arrived which my birthday happened to fall on that year. I had been working without a break for weeks and just wanted to take a day to celebrate with family and friends. However, I gave in and joined conference calls and answered emails throughout the day. I ended up spending half the day on the phone. My team was offering to cover but I didn't want to let anyone down so I gave up my birthday to ensure the project kept moving forward. Afterwards I was furious with myself. Not only did I end up working on my birthday but I also had to spend the rest of the holiday weekend working anyway!
I learned a harsh lesson that weekend - I wasn't invaluable. The work would still have gotten done if I took one day off to enjoy time with my loved ones. And that's just what I should have done because it's times like that, we can never get back.
This wasn't the first time I had allowed myself to flex on my boundaries for the betterment of the job. In the end, all this behavior was doing was hurting me. I was frustrated and angry with the job and mad at myself for allowing it to take over my life.
Since then I have learned a thing or two about setting boundaries. After finally reaching the point of exhaustion and enlisting the help of a Coach, I learned that by setting boundaries it didn't mean that I was any less dedicated to my career, my team and my clients. By setting boundaries I was creating a space in my life where I could take care of myself while also creating an environment that was better and more manageable for me. In turn, this helped me to perform at my best for my clients and my team. She also taught me that there were other ways to manage stress and anxiety that didn't involve sitting in a stall in the ladies room and crying after a tough client call (yes, I have done this many times) or scarfing down a bag of peanut M&Ms (yup, I've done that too) to sooth the frustration of a rough day.
However, setting boundaries was only one part of the equation for me. When I began to set boundaries I would feel guilty about doing so and would be pretty tough on myself for not putting in everything I had at all times. During my study of Positive Psychology through the Flourishing Center, I learned about a model which has allowed me to forgive myself in those instances where I give in and flexed my boundaries.
This model says that once we are self-aware of how we feel it enables self-compassion. Sometimes it's ok to feel tired, frustrated or overwhelmed - we all do! However, by allowing ourselves compassion for our feelings we enable self-care. Once we take care of ourselves by setting boundaries and not making ourselves feel guilty about them then we can really reach a sense of flourishing and happiness in and outside of the office.
As for me, I am still a work in progress. I have experienced how hard it can be to set boundaries but it can also be liberating to not feel guilty for setting and sticking with them. The key is - no one will do it for you - it is up to you. We all have the ability to set boundaries to help create the career and life we want but sometimes we need a little guidance throughout the process. If you need help during your process please feel free to reach out as I would love to help you get there.
